change is the only constant

i haven’t had a chance to blog lately, even though i’m still practicing the whole yoga-parkour-patience-beginner thing (and i have lots more to tell on that front). i found out 2 weeks ago that my position within my organisation has been retrenched and i have two months (less now) to find a new job. so i’ve been a bit preoccupied.

i had to take a time out, but was able to get it all into perspective. the retrenchment isn’t a crisis, more of a ‘life-altering moment’. there are many people in a similar situation all around the world due to the international ‘financial situation’. i’m 40, i have skillz, i’m debt free, no problem, moving on.

but it brings me to one of life’s many major cross-roads. living as an expatriate for 10 years in africa i have to make a decision: should i stay or should i go? an easy decision to make, but a critical one. if i decide to go home my company will pay for my ticket and a container for all my household goods. i return to the states essentially where i left, just 10 years older and a little bit wiser. if i decide to stay i will need to cut some of my support ties with friends and family in the US and many of the significant benefits i receive as an expatriate employee. i won’t be able to go home as often, i’ll need to downsize my truck, my habits, my life. yes, i will finally become a real person and re-enter the world of the normal tax-paying adult.

after the waves of panic roll away i realize i am not my job, i am not my truck, i am not my salary; and i’ve been wanting to change all of these things anyway. but i think we all want to feel that we made the choice, not that it was made for us. a sense of powerlessness overwhelms me, i try to focus on the opportunity itself and not how it came into my life. so…i’m going to stay here because i love south africa, and africa! i’m going to continue building the yoga studio that i know someday will succeed, i’m going to sell my truck, the icon of my years here and get a smaller, more fuel efficient car, and i’m going to cut the fat off of my spending habits. because at 40, i fully understand- i don’t need all this stuff!

and the best thing…my yoga practice, my parkour training, the friends and connections i’ve made here, aren’t part of the stuff, they’re part of my life, and that keeps going. and i’m looking forward to it!

good-bye african icon, you have never let me down! however…
hello, sexy!

p.s. yes, if all goes well, i’m getting a 2001 saab 93 convertible (in palladium silver), because it’s the same price as the corolla i was planning to buy, but it’s sooooo much sexier and beautiful and this is my consolation prize for getting laid off!

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