f@ck this beginner’s mind sh!t. my body has decided it’s not going to play nicely and it will take 3-4 days (ok 4-5 days) to recover rather than the under-35 1-2 days. i looked at the footstools in the studio this morning and almost burst into tears (please, don’t ask me to jump onto or off of anything!). my mind battles with itself:
mind: GO! go tonight you’ll feel better.
mind: NO! i’m NOT GOING! learning something new is STUPID! this was a bad idea.
mind: GO! you need to warm your muscles up again, they’ll loosen up after a few stretches and jumps. your practice was fine this morning.
mind: NO WAY! screw you mind! my practice was NOT fine this morning. i’m not going. this is a waste of my time!
for the record: the reason why my abs hurt is because i got this hacking cough from running around in the dry air at the last practice. so my abs hurt from the coughing, NOT the parkour. just saying. my core is steel, man! STEEL! i can do navasana FOREVER if i have to! i could SLEEP in navasana if i wanted!
one thing to admit about being over 40, it does take a teeny-tiny-little-bit longer for the body to heal. my mind is fine, it knows what’s going on, and my ego is far reduced from what it was in my 20s and 30s. but srsly, why am i still limping?! my quads kind of feel like those big marshmallows, but when the bag has been left out open overnight and the marshmallows are now sort of hard, still a bit squishy, but chewy-hard. (mmmm, dried marshmallows…mmmm.) it makes me laugh because my legs have essentially broken-off the mind-body connection and they’re not receiving the brain’s electro-chemical smses anymore. walking down stairs makes me giggle; it becomes hysterical laughter by the time i get to the bottom. so much for that mind-body connection i’ve been developing over the last 5 years.
mind: you’re going!
mind: i hurt and i’m NOT going! i can’t even walk properly. i’ll embarrass myself in front of everyone.
mind: you’re going. where’s your tapas?
mind: don’t quote yogic BS at me, STFU! i hate you!
and if anyone questions the negative effect of sitting at a desk all day… they should go out and climb a nice big mountain for 2 hours and then go sit down at their desk for another 8, or perhaps drive around in their car for a few hours. just until everything seizes up. yep, for you young-uns, that’s what it feels like to be over 40 and learning something new.
a brand spanking new student came in for her first ashtanga vinyasa class yesterday evening. when she left she tentatively handed me her Beginner’s Month fee (committing to a month of developing her practice) and said, with huge, pleading eyes: ‘please tell me there’s hope for me and i will get better at this.’
mind: you’re going.